Today we're going to learn how to talk like a toolbag. Our friends at "Mon Power" (really FirstEnergy) have been so kind as to demonstrate the art of toolbaggery for our edification.
The word "spend" is a verb. It means to pay out (money) in buying or hiring goods or services : the firm will spend $100,000 on hardware and software.
Only a toolbag who thinks he sounds cool uses "spend" as a noun : Mon Power Spend of $60 Million in 2013 Designed to Enhance Electric System and Reliability.
Since FirstEnergy's "news" was so boring, perhaps one of their toolbags thought he was spicing it up (and I say "he" because only men talk like toolbags) by using such a cool noun as "spend." That makes it all better, right?
Wrong. When Mon Power customers see the word "spend," they immediately associate it with the word "pay" : Mon Power spends, customers pay. Customers don't like to pay. It annoys them.
For the edification of the FirstEnergy toolbag responsible for this, a better word might have been "invest" : Mon Power Invests $60 Million to Enhance Electric System Reliability in 2013. Don't let me catch you using stupid words like "spend" again, okay? Next lesson won't be free, like this one.
And while we're at it, there's really nothing newsworthy about FirstEnergy performing routine maintenance and upgrades, no matter how much they spend doing their job. Let's just say the public was underwhelmed by FirstEnergy's "news."
In fact, one West Virginia consumer was so unimpressed with FirstEnergy's "news" that she remarked, "Awesome! I'm glad they're so focused on improving reliability while concocting a plan that would have their customers getting 90% of their electricity from 2 forty-year-old coal plants!"
Another immediately made a resolution to send out a press release every time he brushes his teeth from now on, because his own personal, routine maintenance is about as newsworthy as FirstEnergy performing routine maintenance on its own system.
And another just found herself laughing hysterically at the "news."
The word "spend" is a verb. It means to pay out (money) in buying or hiring goods or services : the firm will spend $100,000 on hardware and software.
Only a toolbag who thinks he sounds cool uses "spend" as a noun : Mon Power Spend of $60 Million in 2013 Designed to Enhance Electric System and Reliability.
Since FirstEnergy's "news" was so boring, perhaps one of their toolbags thought he was spicing it up (and I say "he" because only men talk like toolbags) by using such a cool noun as "spend." That makes it all better, right?
Wrong. When Mon Power customers see the word "spend," they immediately associate it with the word "pay" : Mon Power spends, customers pay. Customers don't like to pay. It annoys them.
For the edification of the FirstEnergy toolbag responsible for this, a better word might have been "invest" : Mon Power Invests $60 Million to Enhance Electric System Reliability in 2013. Don't let me catch you using stupid words like "spend" again, okay? Next lesson won't be free, like this one.
And while we're at it, there's really nothing newsworthy about FirstEnergy performing routine maintenance and upgrades, no matter how much they spend doing their job. Let's just say the public was underwhelmed by FirstEnergy's "news."
In fact, one West Virginia consumer was so unimpressed with FirstEnergy's "news" that she remarked, "Awesome! I'm glad they're so focused on improving reliability while concocting a plan that would have their customers getting 90% of their electricity from 2 forty-year-old coal plants!"
Another immediately made a resolution to send out a press release every time he brushes his teeth from now on, because his own personal, routine maintenance is about as newsworthy as FirstEnergy performing routine maintenance on its own system.
And another just found herself laughing hysterically at the "news."
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