FirstEnergy's Switch is Off in West Virginia

Have you heard or seen one of FirstEnergy's vomitrocious "The Switch is On" ads recently?  I heard one on the radio the other night, although it could have been directed at other FirstEnergy distribution customers in surrounding states.

At any rate, FirstEnergy is launching its first major advertising campaign in 19 years!  And you're the beneficiary (also the financier -- every time you see or hear an ad, someone adds money to your electric bill, and maybe kills a puppy, but I'm not sure about that last part).

What's this campaign about?  It's about FirstEnergy's environmental stewardship.  FirstEnergy wants you to know what it has done to protect the environment:

1. They invested $10B in environmental protection efforts.  Of course, the cost of that, plus a healthy double digit return for FirstEnergy, gets added to your electric bill.  Who invested $10B?
2. They have reduced the amount of water used to produce electricity in their power plants (because they were forced to do so by regulation, kicking and screaming all the way -- you also paid for that).
3. Eleven percent of their energy resources are renewable (again, regulated against FirstEnergy's wishes, and at your expense).  Who cares how many hours of wind generation FirstEnergy supported.  It still only totals 11% of their generation portfolio, right?

Here's what FirstEnergy promises to do in the future, now that their switch is on:

1. Have a "goal" to reduce CO2 emissions by 90% (of their 2005 levels) by 2045.  But this only happens if the Public Utilities Commission of Ohio approves their plan to make Oho ratepayers subsidize their dirty generation plants for the next 8 years.  What's 90% of an unspecified number?  Is there an algebraic equation for that?  X = 90% of Y.  Anyone who can answer this homework question receives a gold star!  Oh, and did I mention you'll pay for this further CO2 reduction, too?  You will.
   

That's it!  Now don't you feel much more educated about FirstEnergy's environmental stewardship than you did 10 minutes ago?  No?  Not much of a plan, is it?  It is worth the millions of dollars this campaign is costing you?  And why would you care about what's going on with FirstEnergy's Ohio rate case?  My radio gets some funky stations from time-to-time, but none from Ohio.  So I'll assume there are some other benefits West Virginians are getting for their advertising dollar.

Maybe this video of CEO Chatty Chuck Jones explaining his company's environmental stewardship will do it?

WAKE UP!!!

Did Chatty Chuck put you to sleep, too?  Sorry about that.  Engaging TV personality he's not.

Wait?  Did Chatty Chuck say, "We've supported energy efficiency throughout our 5-state region?"  What five states would those be... let's see... Ohio, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland and... not West Virginia?  He can't mean to include West Virginia in that, can he?

Why, just this morning I read an article about how FirstEnergy is blocking an important energy efficiency bill at the West Virginia Legislature!  SB 370 has been sent to "purgatory" in the Rules Committee because FirstEnergy has "come forward with a potential problem" with the bill.  In other words, FirstEnergy does not support energy efficiency in West Virginia.  The bill would "allow local governments to adopt energy efficiency partnerships with commercial building owners to help finance energy efficiency improvements on the property."  Isn't that energy efficiency, Chuck?  It doesn't sound like you're supporting it.  In fact, your corporate motormouth, Toad Meyers, says:

“FirstEnergy already offers low-income customer and commercial lighting programs in West Virginia, and we are on track to achieve our 0.5 percent energy savings target by the end of 2016,” Todd Meyers, a First Energy spokesman, said in a statement. “We strongly believe that these and any future energy-efficiency programs are best managed by the utilities as overseen by the Public Service Commission of West Virginia, which balances the needs of both customers and the utilities.

“Local governments are better positioned to provide their residents with necessary core services such as police and fire protection, road maintenance, and the like,” he added.

FirstEnergy’s West Virginia utilities have gotten a reputation of offering fewer energy efficiency programs for Mountain State residents than the company offers for other states, such as neighboring Ohio and Maryland. But the utility argues it's a matter of cost in West Virginia.

"The reason is simple enough: surrounding states such as Pennsylvania and Maryland have state laws that mandate energy efficiency programs. At the same time, utilities operating in those states also recover all costs from their customers associated with operating these programs," Meyers said. "In Maryland, for instance, residential customers pay about $7 per month, each and every month, as part of their electric bill to support these programs, whether or not they ever participate or redeem a rebate.

"There is definitely a general misconception that these programs are free… they’re not," he added. "And there has been significant pushback over the years from businesses and residents in states with mandatory programs who don’t like paying the costs every month to subsidize other customers’ appliance purchases and other rebates."

Meyers also said Mon Power and Potomac Edison plan to file plans for Phase II Energy Efficiency Programs "to help customers achieve additional energy savings in the near future, with rollout occurring in mid-2017, contingent on PSC approval.”

What is up with that?  What is up, Chuck?  (My lunch, after watching your video, but I digress).  You'd better grab Toad by his power cord and reprogram him, Chuck!  He's turning you into a liar!  Worse than that, Toad has managed to contradict himself in just a few short paragraphs.  After stating that "FirstEnergy already offers low-income customer and commercial lighting programs in West Virginia," Toad also says, "there has been significant pushback over the years from businesses and residents in states with mandatory programs who don’t like paying the costs every month to subsidize other customers’ appliance purchases and other rebates."  But isn't that exactly what the majority of West Virginia's ratepayers do?  Residential ratepayers pay monthly energy efficiency fees to support programs that are only available to low-income and commercial lighting programs!  Like, duh, Toad!

So, FirstEnergy is not supporting energy efficiency in West Virginia.  They're also belittling West Virginia's local governments, presuming them too stupid to govern anything to do with energy.  Because that's best handled by utilities (so they can make sure nothing a local government does harms their greedy bottom line).  Ain't that right, Chuck?

And what's that you say about being most proud about your employees?  I will agree that your front line employees are your ONLY redeeming asset.  But why is it that you want to harm them with "Right to Work" legislation, cutting benefits, and union-busting?  The way you treat your employees is shameful.  Proud my ass.  Just remember, without them, you are nothing.  When's the last time you hiked your bulk up a utility pole, Chuck?  I fear you're not contributing to keeping my lights on!

And how come there were no little video clips of your corporate employees, like Toad mouthing off to reporters and contradicting himself?  Aren't you proud of him, too?  I didn't see one corporate stuffed suit in that whole video, except for yours, Chuck.

Maybe it's because that snooze-fest was "Produced by the Communications and Marketing Department?"  While I'm thrilled you didn't waste any of my money hiring a real advertising firm to create an engaging and entertaining campaign, tell your Communications and Marketing Department not to quit their day jobs.  Even Charles Ryan could have done a better job than that.  Like maybe they could have given you a banana phone for a prop, Chuck, or perhaps even a clown hat?  Everybody loves a clown!  And wouldn't it have been fun to subject a cute puppy to your filthy environmental practices, and then show him still alive (but a bit dirty and singed around the edges) after 30 days?  Doesn't that just tug on the heart strings?

The switch is on.... but nobody's home!