Our hero Tony "the Trickster" Alexander's NEO compensation is now even further bound to the company's stock price. Heads will roll and wallets will empty. When it's all about Tony getting his performance awards, it's no longer about providing an essential service in a safe, reliable and cost effective manner. It's about cutting expense and increasing dividend "performance."
The report also outlines in some detail how the company's board of directors during the last year has taken some significant steps to tie executive incentive pay to company performance.
Under the new rules, Alexander's base salary -- $1.34 million since 2011 -- accounted for just 12 percent of what he potentially could have earned in 2013, the report notes. The rest of his compensation is now entirely performance based.
"We believe that the quality, skills, and dedication of our executive officers, including our NEOs (named executive officers), are critical elements in our ongoing ability to deliver positive operating results and enhance shareholder value," the compensation committee of the company's board of directors explained in the report.
Tony: "I'm home! Where's that cocktail waitress with my martini?"
Mrs. Becky Alexander: "I had to fire her. She was simply too efficient and we need to cut down on expenses now that your pay is tied to your performance. I know how hard it is for you to perform."
Tony: "Have you been making unauthorized donations to charities again? I told you, all our giving must provide a return!"
Mrs. Becky Alexander: "Tony, who are those people on our front lawn? I fear they may trample my petunias and cause extra work for our strapping, young gardener. Can you make them go away?"
Mrs. Becky Alexander: "The peasants are revolting!"
Tony: "You said it! They stink on ice!"
Mrs. Becky Alexander: "I think they might be your employees, dear. Why don't you run out and say hello? I think I have a bag of stale chocolate Kisses left over from Halloween that you could toss to make them move along."
Tony: "Don't feed them! It only encourages them to ask for ridiculous things like fair wages and benefits. If you feed them once, they'll never go away. What's for dinner?"
Mrs. Becky Alexander: "Reservations, of course! Can you have your public safety personnel clear us a path to the country club?"