URP and FU have been locked in mortal combat over market share in the shrinking "traditional" generation market. FU has stolen many of URP's retail customers but is now choking on the below-market prices it promised those that would switch providers. URP, on the other hand (because there's always another hand), is having problems digesting the lump of designer coal it originally hoped to fob off on unsuspecting ratepayers in a neighboring state.
At the same time, both companies are looking for creative ways to establish themselves as renewable energy players, in order to reassert control of generation resources and consumers' lives.
URP's argument in its filing is that 99% of the world's wind energy is generated by its own executives. It attached photos of URP executives standing on a hillside and blowing their own horns as proof that they were the source of the wind.
FU's claim was even more novel. The company argued that its executives are so evil they generate darkness and in order to allow the sun to shine they shut themselves in a secret underground bunker, smoking cigars and playing pinochle. Therefore, they are solely responsible for allowing sunshine, thus controlling it. And since "control is 90% of the law," FU argued, it owns all sunshine.
Reaction has been swift and furious from some unusual quarters. The Albuquerque Hot Air Balloon Festival, for instance, immediately filed for an injunction in Federal Court arguing they should have grandfathered status because their festival began when wind and sunshine were free. The National Kite Flyers' Association called on its members for a national day of rage, encouraging them to fly kites in front of both corporate headquarters. "We'll untangle our lines later," said Hyram Puffnagle, President of the association. "These companies are running roughshod over the very traditions that made America great."
Even China has weighed in, calling for an emergency meeting of the U.N. Security Council. Fo Bo Ho, China's ambassador, said that the only hope for dissipating the smog that is overcoming Beijing is the Chinese military plan to divert the jet stream over his country. "These capitalist dog companies hope to achieve the world domination that their own government fails to secure," he said.
Electricity consumers are mystified. "There was a song, 'The Moon Belongs to Everyone, the Best Things in Life are Free,' but I guess fresh air and a sunny day are now corporate assets," remarked Bubba Puffnagle (no relation) of Moosecud-on-the-Mississippi, Minn.
Representatives of URP and FU declined a request for comment.